Peer Mentors: Work Friends With 'Benefits'

Early in my career I was cautious about sharing too much with my coworkers. I worried it could backfire or make me a victim of juicy office gossip. I envisioned wicked scenarios of being misquoted and shuddered at the thought. So I sought my counsel outside of work, from friends or family, a stranger on a flight — any and everybody who wasn’t a coworker.

A few years into my first job I was not living the dream. I'd only been out of college a short while and was questioning every choice I’d made since. I was frustrated with an unsupportive manager, debating the pursuit of an MBA, and feeling devalued. Diminishing enthusiasm left me thinking I was already at a professional rock bottom.

In the midst of this angst, I had lunch with my coworker, Tina. While I wasn't planning to break my code of privacy, I felt I owed an explanation for being such a distracted lunchmate. I told Tina the whole, ugly story. Tina opened up, too. Turns out she’d recently had a manager she didn’t see eye-to-eye with, and she gave me some ideas to better work with mine. We also talked through the pros and cons of getting an MBA. She challenged me on why I wanted one. Just to have those letters behind my name? Or a specific plan for my career? As lunch ended we picked a day to meet again for some updates. By the time we were walking back into the office, Tina was more than my lunch buddy—she’d become my first peer mentor. What is a peer mentor? A peer mentor is a colleague roughly at your same level of tenure, seniority or experience who provides you with open, honest feedback to benefit your career and help you grow. You can support each other without all of the hierarchy that often adds pressure in traditional mentoring, creating a level of comfort that makes tackling the hard subjects much easier.

Work friend? Peer mentor? What’s the difference? A friend at work provides companionship and can certainly help you to feel connected to the job. Hopefully you have some of those; if not, I encourage you to make a few connections. A peer mentor could be a friend, but doesn’t necessarily have to start as one. In fact, when it comes to giving balanced feedback, he or she may be less biased than your work friends.

After my first successful peer mentorship, I began to intentionally seek out others. My colleague, Seth, was promoted quickly on our team and seemed to have it all together. At the time I wanted to strengthen my executive presence and my relationships with my clients. I needed to know Seth’s secret. When we passed in the breakroom we’d mention how we needed to schedule lunch, so Seth wasn’t surprised when I finally booked the time. I asked, “Everyone at work respects you. Your clients love you. You always seem so put together. How do you do it?”

Seth laughed, humbly suggesting I was exaggerating. Then he told me how he “scheduled” time to drop in on his clients impromptu—how in doing so he always seemed to be at the right place at the right time. His clients loved his accessibility and further involved him in their business, giving him more insight to their needs. As a result he had a lot of perspective to bring back to our team and wasn’t shy about sharing it. His boss recognized it, and so did his boss’ boss. That’s why he stayed at the top of everyone’s mind.

“You should try working onsite with the client more,” he advised. “I know you love being at our office, but you’d be surprised at the meetings that take place that you’re never invited to. The best discussions happen on the fly.” He was so forthcoming, I was taken aback, though he had me thinking he was right. We kept talking past the hour about Seth’s observations of me. He was brutally honest, without being brutal. I would’ve been reluctant, maybe even embarrassed, to have this kind of talk with someone more senior, but Seth and I were peers, and that’s what made it comfortable. He was good at things I wasn’t good at yet, and I welcomed his willingness to teach me.

Over time, I helped him too. It was a two-way street, and I think we’re both better for it. Seth remains an amazing executive with an exciting career journey.

While I didn’t realize during that lunch with Tina how much peer mentors would contribute to my professional success, I see how necessary they’ve become. We all need a little help at times—sometimes a lot—and peer mentors are an excellent sounding board to get you through the learning pains of the job. Choose your peer mentors carefully, looking for a person you can trust, then speak up and ask for help without shame. Offer some good perspective in return and you’ll form a mutually rewarding peer mentoring relationship, with far-reaching career benefits.

Photo Credit: www.THREE20Media.com