Some 'Friendly' Advice: 10 Ways to Build Workplace Camaraderie

Remember in high school, how you entered third period, took a seat next to an unintimidating classmate, said "hey," and by the end of the first week of school you had a new bestie? If only making friends could remain so effortless. Corporate culture and complex organizational structures can make developing workplace friendships feel more laborious than the job itself. Add in telecommuting, diverse personalities, and multiculturalism, and you see why a Gallup report shows that less than 1/3 of workers have a best friend at work.

As an introvert and a minority in my field, I found it challenging to build friendships early in my career. When I wasn’t my usual, in-my-own-head self, I was worried I would be judged for my interests and background that I thought differed from my peers. Trial and error and lots of cross-cultural interactions helped me navigate this uncomfortable terrain. Along the way, I’ve realized that having friends at work helps me feel more connected to the job and enjoy showing up.

Talking to a coworker about company priorities (not to be confused with gossip) makes you more insightful, and this can help your career to grow. There are also advantages beyond workplace advancement, like having a more diverse group of friends. Your colleagues have different upbringings, and you can learn about other cultures from them.

If making friends at work hasn’t been easy, try out my top 10 ways to approach people and create connections:

1. Be friendly, not cliquey. Sounds simple, but many people don’t grasp the importance of being someone easy to befriend. Be first to speak. Extend pleasantries when you see someone: “How are you?” or “Do you have weekend plans?” People often neglect these basic greetings even though asking them can lead to a deeper dialogue. Why skip such an easy first step? Or try asking for or offering help: “Hi, Shawn. I heard you have experience in developing apps. My son is trying to create an app for his science fair. Can you give some pointers?” Shawn feels honored, and you two connect on something in addition to the day-to-day discussions. 

2. Be an “equal opportunity” networker. Develop relationships across all levels of the organization. Include your peers, your superiors, and those newer to the company than you. Anyone can be a resource and a friend. Once your network begins to grow, remain inclusive. Be a good steward of your network by welcoming new friends and helping others make connections.

3. Find a mentor. A mentor can educate you on company culture and help expand your network by introducing you to his or her peers. A well-informed, respected advisor will accelerate your friend-making process with fewer missteps. If your company doesn’t have a formal mentoring program, find your own. That person will be honored you’ve asked and will almost always say yes or direct you to someone equally credible.

4. Schedule 1:1 meetings. If large groups are intimidating, start small. Schedule one-on-one time with a different coworker every week for coffee, lunch, or a quick break. You’ll be seen as a person who values relationships. The group settings will become more comfortable the more you establish individual connections.

5. Follow-up. Ask questions about personal things others have shared. Did someone get a new puppy? Ask how training is going. Is a colleague returning from vacation? Ask about the trip. If it helps to jot down a few points, do it (not in front of the person, of course). Reference these notes as prompts when you know you’ll see someone and be prepared to ask about what they last mentioned. Print articles or send links to your coworkers sharing news they’ll find useful. Your thoughtfulness will go a long way, and you’ll be considered a good listener.

6. Say yes more. Invited to a happy hour or weekend function? Accept invitations as often as you can. Spending time with your coworkers outside of the office will give you insight into their interests, families, and other friends. A legitimate rapport and non-work familiarity can help even your most difficult work transactions run more smoothly.

7. Stay true to yourself. Don’t act differently around your family and non-work friends than you do at work. You can’t maintain two personalities for long, and even if you could, doesn’t it sound exhausting? You’ll gradually want your circles to overlap, but if “work you” and “home you” have nothing in common, you’ll seem insincere. Just be your best (professionally appropriate) self, even if you feel or look different.

8. Go virtual. You’ll have to be more creative if you don’t frequently see your coworkers in person. If you’re a remote worker, schedule virtual coffee hours or a 15-minute, no agenda call with a coworker you’ve meant to befriend. Reaching out to check in by phone or Skype will show you’re engaged with work and interested in the people you work with, despite being off-campus.

9. Don’t force it. Not everyone will share your interest in making work a social experience. Some people are hesitant to mix business and pleasure, despite the many advantages. Don’t take it personally. You’ll begin to pick up on cues that will help you know someone else’s boundaries. Remain accessible and keep a proverbial “open door” to people who keep their distance while cultivating the reciprocated friendships.

10. Make time and give it. You spend more hours in a week with your coworkers than your family, with most of that time focused on your employer’s needs rather than yours or your colleagues’. Authentic relationships can take a while to develop, so make time for them just as you do for other important elements of your work day. Place reminders in your calendar, schedule the one-on-one meetings and carve out a portion of your day to focus on relationship building.

Remember to adapt to your corporate culture or different regional customs if you work in a global team. But trust me, pal (we are friends now, right?), the right mix of good intentions and effort will soon establish camaraderie that is both professionally and personally rewarding.

Photo Credit: www.THREE20Media.com

A version of this article was originally published in the March 2015 issue of Black Enterprise.